Beauty of all kinds really is in the eye of the beholder, and human uniqueness is what makes the search for “the one” all the more interesting (and difficult). That said, with scientists having spent decades trying to find the key to why we fall in love, there are certain things to look for in a potential suitor that suggest you might have found a keeper. With the advent of dating apps meaning that another love interest is never more than a right swipe, it can be difficult to commit. So if you’re wondering whether to settle down with your current partner, it might be worth taking a step back and asking yourself if they tick the following boxes. If he doesn’t, that doesn’t mean he’s not the one for you. But if it does, you probably have a pretty good egg on your hands.
1. He is smart
While some of us are naturally smarter than others, a new study from the Hanken School of Economics in Finland suggests that the smarter a man is, the less likely he is to be unfaithful. Smarter men are more likely to get married and stay married, according to research. So if you’re worried that your boyfriend might be too smart for you, a) fear not because smarts aren’t everything and b) know that you might have a man who is more likely to be loyal on your hands.
2. It makes you laugh
Finding someone to laugh with is vital – even if everyone else rolls their eyes at his dad jokes, if they crack you up, that’s all that matters. And one study showed that men are more likely to have “mating success” if they have GSOH.
3. Actively supports your career
One study found that husbands were a determining factor in two-thirds of women’s decisions to quit their jobs, often because they believed it was their duty to raise their children. Even when the women in the study described their husbands as supportive, they also revealed that the men refused to change their own work schedules or offer to help more with childcare.
4. He makes as much effort with your friends and family as you do with his
It is not uncommon for a woman to end up giving up her own social life to join her new man. But it’s rare for a man to do the same once he’s in a relationship. In fact, a recent study found that young men get more satisfaction from their romantic relationships than from their romantic relationships with women. While this is clearly ridiculous, it is important to maintain your friendships. So make sure you are with a man who not only wants you to find time to see your friends but also makes an effort to get to know them.
5. He is emotionally intelligent
If the stereotypes are to be believed, it is women who are always desperate to talk about feelings and never men who fall hard. While this is certainly not true, it is important that each person in a relationship has a certain level of emotional intelligence. Studies show that women are better at taking their partner’s views and opinions into account than men, which is essential for a healthy relationship.
6. He respects your opinions and listens to what you have to say
Being closed-minded isn’t a trait that’s exclusive to a certain gender, but if a guy is convinced that he’s always right and will never consider your argument, it’s not a good sign. If a man rejects his partner’s influence, it may be a sign that he has power issues, according to Dr. John Gottman, author of The Seven Principles for Marriage Progress.
7. He’s willing to put in the work
A study from the University of Texas found that the most successful relationships were not due to compatibility, but to relationship effectiveness. “My research shows that there is no difference in objective compatibility between those couples who are unhappy and those who are happy,” said study author Dr. Ted Hudson. So if you or your partner are always looking for the next best thing instead of committing to making your relationship last, it might not be a good thing.
8. Celebrate your achievements
Whether it’s deadlifting your body weight or learning enough German for a trip to Oktoberfest, it’s important to have a partner who celebrates your accomplishments. But it’s not just about feeling great—a study published in The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that couples who did this were more satisfied with their relationships than those who reacted negatively or were indifferent.
9. He shares your values
Having a similar outlook on life could be vital to a successful relationship, according to a study. The more similar your personalities are, the more likely you are to approach problems in the same way. You and your partner will share similar approaches to everything from socializing to work if your priorities are the same, and this is likely to lead to a greater level of respect for each other. Of course, if your partner doesn’t have all of the above, that doesn’t necessarily mean you should dump them right away – we all look for different things in a partner and a relationship, after all. But if he ticks all those boxes, he could be one to keep. The Independent’s Millennial Love group is the best place to discuss the highs and lows of modern dating and relationships. Join the conversation here.
