Six months later, Maya miscarried while still grieving the loss of Mason. Here Maya shares her struggle with grief and her fears about having another baby. 5 Maya Vander said: “I would love to have another baby but now I’m scared of getting pregnant. I feel like something is missing from our family.” 5 Maya said: ‘Grief hit me out of nowhere – it comes in waves’ Credit: Rex Sunday, December 5, 2021 started like any other day. I got up, made my kids Aiden, three, and Elle, two, breakfast and enjoyed a relaxing morning at our family home in Miami. With just two weeks to go until our third baby was born, I was enjoying every moment with the kids before we went back to the days of sleepless nights and dirty diapers. But as the day progressed, I noticed that my baby was moving less and less. My husband Dave [43, who works in finance] he was suffering from covid so i went to the hospital by myself to have an ultrasound. The moment I saw the baby’s heartbeat was in the normal range, I breathed a sigh of relief. I thought maybe it wasn’t kicking as much because I was near the end of my pregnancy and it didn’t have much room. My weekly checkup was due just four days later and even though his movements were still minimal, I kept reminding myself that the ultrasound was normal. At the appointment, after what felt like forever, the sonographer told me they couldn’t find a heartbeat. In that moment, my world fell apart. I had read about stillbirth, but never dreamed it would happen to me. As Dave was still positive, he couldn’t be there. I felt myself go into survival mode. I went home to pack the hospital bag and was confused as I took out all the baby clothes as I knew I wouldn’t need them anymore. Three hours after being told the devastating news, I was holding my sweet baby boy Mason after a vaginal birth. He looked so much like Aiden. Dave begged the hospital to let him in to say goodbye. When Aiden and Elle were born, it was a thrill to dress them up in cute clothes, put them in their car seats, and drive them home from the hospital. Leaving the ward without my baby was the lowest I’ve ever felt. I would love to have another baby but now I’m scared of getting pregnant. I feel like something is missing from our family. Maya Vander I wouldn’t wish that on any mother. Christmas is my favorite time of the year. I like to make the house cozy and take the kids to admire the lights. But last year, I felt like I was in this huge cloud and I couldn’t see through it. I remember thinking to myself, “How are we ever going to have fun again?” On New Year’s Eve, we had a family dinner at a restaurant to get some sense of normalcy and I started to cry. Grief hit me out of nowhere – it comes in waves. I started grief therapy soon after and attended weekly group sessions with other moms. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was responsible – I should have known Mason was in distress. It breaks my heart that my body was not a safe place. The pathology report shed no light on what happened, so we sent the placenta to a specialist. Grief hit me out of nowhere – it comes in waves. I started grief therapy soon after and attended weekly group sessions with other moms. Maya Vander They found that it was smaller than it should have been and that the umbilical cord was slightly compressed, which could have caused it to slowly lose oxygen. If I had known to go to A&E, I might have had my little boy here with me. Many people have said things like, “Oh, don’t worry—you’ll get pregnant again.” They don’t understand that I was carrying a baby, then I had to bury that child. we had to hold his body. Dave and I decided to try for another baby. Exactly six months after losing Mason, I found out I had miscarried at nine weeks. All the healing I had done was revealed. I bled for two weeks straight. I would love to have another baby but now I’m scared of getting pregnant. I feel like something is missing from our family. Many people have said things like, “Oh, don’t worry—you’ll get pregnant again.” They don’t understand that I was carrying a baby, then I had to bury that child. we had to hold his body. Maya Vander Earlier this year, a woman emailed me and said I had saved her baby. When she felt less movement towards the end of her pregnancy, she went to the hospital and insisted on delivering her son. Sure enough, the baby had two knots in its umbilical cord. I don’t share my story so people feel sorry for me – it helps my own recovery to help others. Not everything in life is as glamorous as Selling Sunset. 5 Maya said: ‘I started grief therapy soon after and attended weekly group sessions with other mumsCredit: Getty 5 Maya said: ‘Exactly six months after losing Mason, I found out I had miscarried at nine weeks’ Credit: Netflix 5 Maya said: “A lot of people have said things like, ‘Oh, don’t worry – you’ll get pregnant again.’ They don’t understand that I was carrying a baby, then I had to bury that child. we had to keep his body’Credit: Instagram
