Dubbed the Shape Shifter, the 32-year-old who lives in Massachusetts grew up in a Muslim country in the Balkans where even being gay was frowned upon, but believed that becoming a woman would finally make him feel happy about himself. .
He was given a referral letter from Fenway Health in Massachusetts, which he claims has been taken over by biased pro-trans activists.
The surgery itself was performed by Dr. Sherman Leis of the Philadelphia Center for Transgender Surgery. Leis is considered the most experienced sex reassignment surgeon in the United States.
But shortly after the surgery was completed in 2015, in his 20s, the Shape Shifter quickly realized he had made a terrible mistake and was just a gay man who liked to present in a feminine way.
The operations he has undergone – which include removing his penis and creating a ‘neovaginal’ are irreversible.
They left him with osteoporosis, scoliosis, a ‘sinus’ that his body thinks is a wound and tries to close, as well as a host of mental health conditions including depression and a low sex drive.
The Shape Shifter believed that making the initial change into a woman would make him finally feel happy in his body.
But he ended up feeling even more depressed than before the operation, finally realizing that he was just a man who liked to express his femininity.
He still wears makeup and has long hair, but says men like him should be encouraged to be comfortable in their femininity without feeling pressured to medically transition.
Shape Shifter, 32, born male, turned female but then reverted. The surgeries left him without a penis and without a functioning vagina as well
Speaking to Blair White, 28, who is transgender, during an interview that lasted more than an hour, she explained how after the initial surgery to become a woman she suddenly fell into a deep depression.
During the interview, which was posted on YouTube and received almost 500,000 views, Shape explained how the new vagina that had been constructed for him using tissue from his penis fell far short of expectations and left him unable to have sex.
“I was happy for maybe a month or two, but then I got even more depressed after the operation. My neosinus began to contract. I thought I was going to open my legs and have a fight and that never really happened after I gave my cock.
“I was on the internet telling people how depressed I was. Many thought it was because of the surgery…but I had no energy, I was so lethargic, brain fog and no sex drive. Then I discovered that all the hunters stopped following me and I was competing with other women for men.’
Shape believes that many people would reconsider having surgery in the first place if they knew about the potential complications and regret that can follow
White asked Shape what it’s like to be missing your penis.
“I just wanted to get my surgery done and then combine and complete my transition. When I started taking testosterone, I had no sex drive. From enjoying sex to avoiding it,” Shape explained.
“I miss being just an average guy and being obsessed with sex, money and my career. It was crap to be heterotypical and do the whole sentimental thing. Now I feel like a man trapped in a body that looks like a woman.
“I will never be able to get my penis back, which is extremely traumatic for me. I want it back and I can’t. Sex is traumatic for me now because I’ve had the wrong surgeries.
Shape says he even dreams of having a penis, whereas before his first transition he would dream of doing tricks.
The host, White, asked how difficult it was for Shape to become a man again.
Speaking to Blaire White, 28, right, herself transgender, Shape warns others who may be considering transitioning to think carefully about their options beforehand
Shape, pictured, says he even dreams of having a penis, whereas before his first transition he would dream of having a vagina
“These immigrants regret the surgeries, and then because they’ve had the surgeries they’re seen as enemies by these activist doctors, and then they can’t even get help to revise the surgeries because trans surgeons hate trans people?” White suggested.
“Very much,” replied Shape.
“What they don’t tell you is because they’re labeled as difficult patients, but even beyond that, the only thing they don’t tell you is when your first operation didn’t go right and the second one didn’t go right, after a while no one wants to touch other surgeons because they don’t want to attach their name to a complicated case. Every time you go in there is more scar tissue and more complications.’
Shape said that despite wanting to detransition, she is happy to present as a woman and appear as a woman in terms of how she dresses.
“I just came out as a woman but when I changed my paperwork or when they took it all out and drank dope and brainwashed me from the trans community. I just like to present myself as a female and have long hair.’
In an interview that lasted more than an hour, Blaire White, who is transgender herself, asked the Shape Shifter what it was like to miss your penis now that it’s male again
Shape says he’s trying to navigate his sexuality moving forward.
“Looking back, I don’t think my mind was able to understand what was going on. Even when I was a woman, I only knew what it was like to be a man on estrogen. And now I can’t go back to being a traditional man.’
“I’ll never know what it’s like to be a woman, at least biologically,” added the host, White, agreeing with him.
Shape explained how there is no long term research on what taking all artificial hormones will do to his body long term.
“I have to have some kind of hormone in my body, so it’s going to be estrogen only because if I don’t get any hormone, I already have osteoporosis and it will continue to get worse. I went almost seven years without hormones. The hormones I take are similar to what women take during menopause.’
Shape explained how having undergone the surgeries, not having a functioning penis or vagina and now having to take hormones for the rest of his life feels like a medical experiment gone horribly wrong.
Shape explained how having neither a functioning penis nor vagina and being required to take hormones for the rest of his life feels like a medical experiment gone horribly wrong
“It’s transphobic to say, but after going through the system, I feel 100 percent like I was part of some cruel medical and social experiment — except no one checked in on me,” Shape explained.
“If I had killed myself, I wouldn’t even have been included in any statistics. I’m sure they would just delete me as the cause was some other issue. Plus, I’ve spent thousands of dollars. I have traveled all over the country and done all the advice trying to find help.’
Shape believes that many people might reconsider surgery in the first place if they knew about the potential complications and regret that can follow in the moments that follow transitions. However, he believes it would be “bad for business” if surgeons were to refer to such realities.
After his first surgery to become a woman, the Shape Shifter quickly realized that he had made a terrible mistake and that he was just a gay man who liked to present himself in a feminine way
Shape blamed Fenway Health, an LGBT health care and advocacy organization based in Boston, Massachusetts, for the position it is currently in.
“One of the biggest mistakes is because I went to Fenway Health. Many of their staff are LGBT and one of my therapists was transgender as far as I know. At first I thought it was good because she would understand me but now looking back she was biased. You know it’s kind of an activist hospital.
“I feel like my life would be better and more productive if I spent the last 10 years expanding the definition of what it means to be a man instead of trying to blend in as society wants me to and trying to be a heteronormative woman.
“I don’t really know what the future holds. But we have to go back to the science lab to find what true trans is. Do you want to take hormones or have an operation?’
“I finished my life, I could have been so much more.”
Shape believes his time could have been better spent defining what it means to be a man instead of trying to fit into society as a woman
The whole issue of gender reassignment surgery has been hotly debated recently, after Boston Hospital was forced to defend itself over its Gender Multispecialty Services, or GeMS, program, which claims to provide gender-affirming care to “eligible adolescents and young adults adults”.
The hospital boasts that it is “home to the first pediatric and adolescent transgender health program in the US” and has been accused, it says falsely, of performing hysterectomies on underage children as part of that care.
Much of the controversy stems from a claim by right-wing social media sensation LibsofTikTok — posing as Brooklyn real estate agent Chaya Raichik — that the hospital offered such treatment, in yet another public tweet.
The claims are based on videos from the hospital’s YouTube account discussing medical care provided to transgender patients. The video has since been removed.
The story has gained traction among activists critical of sex care for underage children, even reaching former President Trump adviser Stephen Miller, who called it “monstrous.”
Podcaster David J. Harris called one of the videos “pure evil” and claimed that minor hysterectomies were performed.
Activists Christopher Rufo and Matt Walsh also criticized the hospital, with Walsh saying: “Any reasonable and decent person…
